Betty Crawford
Mother
Theme song: "Solidify," Sheryl Crow

Well, she's my mother. She put up with all my crap in the beginning. Still putting up with it. I don't really know her on a personal level.

Denice Crawford
Little Sister
Theme song: "Barbie Girl," Aqua

Smarter than the average twelve-year old but otherwise more or less normal (ugh). Shows possibility of promise.

Laurel Crawford [webpage]
Daughter
Theme song: "Don't Worry About The Government," Talking Heads

She's a baby. Unusually high interest in upholstery. Likes to make loud noises repeatedly. Too cute to be one of my relatives.

Melissa Gutiérrez Crawford [webpage]
Ex (all but legally)
Theme song: "Contagious," The Isley Brothers

Still a total grey area, punctuated. Hills and valleys, hills and valleys...

Robert L. Crawford
Father
Theme song: "Road To Moscow," Al Stewart

Decorated ex-Green Beret. I inherited his love for explosions, as well as his unique mix of chemical imbalances. A stark raving lunatic.

Bill Harmon [webpage]
Uncle
Theme song: "La De Da," Afternights

City planner in San Jose. Into photography, graphic art and geography. Yet another family member I wish I knew better.

John Harmon [webpage]
Uncle
Theme song: "Take it Easy," The Eagles

Tattooed and pierced. Aspired, at one point, to open a truck stop named J-Dub's Roadhouse and serve extra-greasy food.