D'Evelyn's only alternative paper, Turn On, Burn Down, Blow Up appeared just once courtesy of Brian Adler. Really, that's all it needed. Enjoy...
[front page]
Volume 1 Issue 1 - October 1995
About The Paper
The Cybermage
I'm your friendly underground newspaper reporter. I'll be typing your newspaper and editing it. Members of our underground know me under a myriad of names, but for my sake, my name will remain unknown. You will know me as The Cybermage. I'm here to completely destroy our happy little community known as D'Evelyn.
My other main goal is to set some order to the student body. [Unreadable] all sorts of special things like how to steal stuff, build bombs, and comics about our lovely f*ckheads (teachers).
I'm the editor so you'll see my icon a lot. Now listen, and listen good 'cause I'll only say this once. I know this may be tough to remember for those of you who have the attention span on a lab rat, but my remarks are in all of the other guy's columns in italics. For all of you idiots out there it looks like this oops, that's a different font. It should look like this. I, like many others of you, am an idiot, so I'll hopefully appeal to your audience. If you would like to contact me, leave your letters, suggestions, death threats, etc. in locker #67. It's empty now, but I hope it won't be later. I will leave a 'net address and a P.O. Box later. There will usually be a posting in this locker. If this locker's broken, give it to someone who might know me. Please, although it may seem funny to steal this, please don't do it. I'm your brother. And face it, you're the only family we've got so be nice to your brothers. The lackeys aren't our brothers and everything you can do to make their life miserable, do it. In the name of all that is revolution, I've got another one:
Tennis Ball Bomb
This little jiffy will really make your head spin! It was passed on to me by an underground brother who hasn't quite chosen a handle yet. He got it from a hacker known as the Jolly Rodger. Its nature is quite simple, and uses common ingredients. All you have to do is take a tennis ball. Cut a little X on top, and fill it with as many strike-anywhere match heads that'll fit. CAUTION: Do not cram them in until they ignite! The trick is not to get the match heads to ignite -- if they ignite, so will you! Place in just enough to fill, it's not a frackin' balloon. Completely cover the X with duct tape so the match heads will not fall out. Finally, find a target (a geek will do) and throw! It'll be a blast! If you can't throw, don't do this -- you'll blown yourself to frackin' hell.
Strength In Numbers
The Cybermage
Look, there are more of us than there are of them. How can they control us? There are no winners or losers. Only students, puppets, radicals, and school staff. Face it, our strength lies not in rules, detentions, police or any other birdflight, but in numbers. So help me out, spread the word.
F*ck The School
The Cybermage
Our school has three families. There are the lackeys, the I dunnos... and then
there's us, the radicals. Our job is to f*ck up the school. Be that by leaving
a copy of our paper over those g*dd*mn announcements they leave everywhere,
the lackeys' newspaper (no offense Andy), and those OOM flyers, or by taking
extra copies of everything the school needs. Be creative. Leave sex threats
to Mr. West or leave our mark everywhere, or just carry the word. Just help
us any ways you can. Leave little papers in the school copy machines for that
crab*ss to find, download neat messages onto her hard drives.
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| The Cybermage - Editor, typist, reporter
The Shadow - Reporter, handyman There is a great author of a book called Steal This Book. Do as it says if you can find it. And read it! Other great books: F*ck The System, Poor Man's James Bond, and anything by Paladin Press. DON'T TAKE ANY BUREAUCRATIC BULLSH*T! DEMAND YOUR FREE BEEFALO! |
Rage Against The Dying Of The Light!
The Cybermage
Now all ye children listen to the story of a young person who wanted one thing -- a so-called freedom! He created a cult and moved to a small town in Texas. He didn't do much. Sure, brainwashing hundreds of people was wrong, but so were the actions of the g*dd*mn fascist pigs. They decided that since there wasn't any way that they could get into the locked-up building, they'd burn its *ss down! So as a result Waco is a spot on the map that is a place where great sorrow went up in flames. All the members of David Koresh's cult were burnt down, and for what? The Freedom of Religion that the g*dd*mn commie pigs don't want to allow because it's not Christian, Jewish, Muslim or Nazi. So be careful children that you don't go up in flames that same way.
April first: We revolt against our oppressors!
The Cybermage
April fools: we will unite against them and create our own free will! Bring loud music and small radio transistors (Walkmans and Discmans with radio option). I will be broadcasting on radio station KAOS! Also, bring various items, smoke bombs, explosives, duct tape, superglue, turkey basters, 2-part epoxy, beer, drugs, anything you'd bring to a party! We'll tape up our teachers, teepee the place, and among the festivities: the courtyard dies! We will not be oppressed! We will revolt and make our voices heard! Walking out on classes, sit-ins, everything that you've ever wanted to do but can't! See you there! Show your support!
"Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose, and I mean nothin' baby, if it ain't free." - Janis Joplin
Remember: KAOS.
[back page]
Nitrocellulose: Man's Best Friend!
The Shadow
Welcome to the handyman's corner. Today we're learning about nitrocellulose. This is otherwise known as gun cotton. It is more stable than black powder, yet still burns hotter, faster and produces more of that really hot gas. It's even easier to make than most high explosives. What fun!
You'll need this sh*t: cotton, concentrated nitric acid, concentrated sulfuric acid (careful kiddies, this stuff will burn a BIG f*cking hole in your arm), distilled water, two 200-300 ml beakers, funnel filter paper, litmus paper. Procedure:
Pour 10 ml of H2SO4 (sulfuric acid) into a beaker. Add 10 ml of the other (nitric)
acid. (Ooh, it bubbles!) Immediately add 0.5 g of cotton -- not once
you finish picking your *ss, NOW -- and let this soak for exactly 3 minutes.
Remove nitro cotton (soft furry cotton that smells icky) and put it in
a beaker of distilled water to wash it off. Allow the sh*t to dry, and then
re-wash it. After the cotton is neutral (test it with the litmus paper) it is
ready to be dried and stored.
Usage: To use this sh*t, get a fuse. Put it into the cotton, light it, and run like Satan with his tail on fire. Please make the fuse over five inches long.
That's all for this issue, and remember: If the b*tches don't find you handsome, they'll at least find you handy!
Top 10 Reasons To Write The Emperor About The New Races Of Car Key Gnomes
Write the Senate
The Cybermage
Write the Emperor of America, write about anything! Try to make the turkey the national bird or try to make the state flower of Colorado be the deadly nightshade. Write to Congress about how the mortals are taking over the universe. Tell how you have been baking a cake for weeks and that you fed it to your pet raccoon and how the raccoon blew up. Write anything that will piss the sh*t out of them. Better yet, write the Department of Health about how Butterball brand turkey cooks up dry and their scam should stop. Tell how the Imperial restaurant downtown accidentally fed you the plastic models of their food. If you really want to piss them off e-mail a sexy letter to Al Gore at [email protected]. Please be sure to do the turkey.
5 things that you can do to make Amerika free!